Escaping the Bitterness Trap, Part 1

So where does the power to forgive come from? The bible reveals a couple of sources. The primary one is the experience of having received God’s mercy; the forgiveness of our sins through the sacrifice of Jesus.

In Matthew 18 Jesus told a story that shows how an acute awareness of the extent of God’s mercy expressed to us positions us to be able to forgive ALL the wrong done to us. In this story there is a King who had a servant that owed him a debt that the servant could never repay. He pleaded with the king to have mercy and give him a chance to repay. The king showed his servant even more mercy than he sought by completely releasing him from his debt. As soon as this servant left the king’s presence he sought out one of his peers who owed him a debt, which while not insignificant, was nothing compared to the debt he was just released from. Instead of showing any mercy to his friend, he had him thrown in prison until the debt was repaid. How do you think the king reacted when he found out how the one he forgave treated his fellow servant? You bet he was angry! If you want an example of truly righteous indignation, this is it! How dare his servant act so mercilessly after being granted such extravagant mercy! So what did the king do? He withdrew his offer of forgiveness from the servant and had him punished harshly.

What prompted Jesus to tell this story? Matthew tells us that Peter came to Jesus asking how many times he must forgive his brother. Peter’s question could more accurately be interpreted as his wanting to know when he was no longer obligated to forgive. Jesus response to Peter indicates that there is to be no limit to Peter’s willingness to show mercy and forgive. I believe Jesus proceeded to tell the story of the unmerciful servant because he anticipated a question that was brewing in Peter’s mind; the “why” question. The question that all of us ask when instructed to do something we don’t want to do. “Why do I have to forgive?” The “why” question addresses the motivation behind the action and Jesus gave great emphasis in his teaching to the importance of righteous action being righteously motivated. So Jesus was happy to explain to Peter the motivation of the merciful; an acute awareness of, and appreciation for the mercy God has extended to them. The king in Jesus’ story is enraged, not just because the servant was unmerciful. He was indignant because the servant’s lack of mercy showed a total lack of awareness of, and appreciation for, the mercy the king showed him. If the servant really appreciated what was done for him he would have gladly forgiven his fellow servant. Especially since the debt he had been forgiven was so much greater then the debt he was asked to forgive. Here is a point we cannot afford to miss. The servant, whom the king desired to grant mercy, in the end did not receive mercy. Not because the king’s character changed from merciful to unmerciful, but because the servant showed utter contempt for the mercy offered to him. He proved himself unworthy of it. Let me put it another way: The servant did not EXPERIENCE mercy from the king ultimately because he did not TRULY RECEIVE the mercy the king offered him initially! His actions made a mockery of the king’s mercy. His unwillingness to forgive was in essence a rejection of the forgiveness offered him. If he had received the offer of forgiveness with the appreciation commensurate to the gift, he would have been quick to forgive.

What is Jesus trying to tell us? The mercy we are required to extend to others doesn’t compare with the mercy God has extended to us. Therefore, if we live with a constant awareness of, and appreciation for, the incomparable mercy shown to us through Jesus’ sacrificial death we will be empowered to forgive those who have sinned against us. Those who are bitter and hurting tend to hurt others. The hurting hurt, but conversely, the forgiven forgive!

Where does the power to forgive come from? It comes from the experience of being forgiven from all our sins through Jesus Christ. It is an experience of God pouring his mercy into our hearts so that we can pour mercy out to others. You can’t give what you don’t have, but if you have it you can give it!

My next post will address another principle that frees us from the bitterness trap.